I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
