Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
