Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
