Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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