I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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