The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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