I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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