his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize