best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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