there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
