you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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