I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
