We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
