god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
