I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
