Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
PANTIES FOUND
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
