Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
