Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
