Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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