i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
