Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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