Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize