I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
