she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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