Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize