You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
