He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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