I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
