I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
