I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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