And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize