Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
