he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
