Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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