You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
