They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
