Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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