you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize