The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
