I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
