I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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