lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
