i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
