So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
