end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
