Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
