I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
