I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
