Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i now understand why vodka
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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