He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
