Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
