you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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