Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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