My friends, they love my intelligence
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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