If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
