i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
