evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
