I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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