I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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