God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
