I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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