drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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