3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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