see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
