What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
