What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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