i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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